What life wants from me?

What I want from life OR what life wants from me?
This is what makes my mind feel like a pendulum that is oscillating between two extremities. Supposedly, the answers for both the questions are same.
Several times, it's happening that the task that my seniors expect me to do - I find myself already desiring/ planning for the same .
I learned and enjoyed controlling myself upto some extent. Living several personalities at a time; though all are not active simultaneously. Controlling to switch between them is a bit tricky job and sometimes exhaustive. Need to work in that area. But I enjoy that. Struggling hard on maintaining balance gracefully.